PLANNING THE ULTIMATE SEND-OFF
We live in a commoditised age, where so many important moments have been reduced to gaining a snapshot to share on Twitter and Facebook. As society’s pace of life has increased, not even funerals have remained immune. Many of us will have experienced the less-than-digni ed 15- to 25-minute crematorium service and being hurriedly ushered out at the end, to ensure that the next service runs on time. It is hard to believe that a life, often spanning 80 or more years, can be adequately remembered and properly celebrated in this short time.
PLANNING YOUR FUNERAL
To avoid this, individuals are setting out their own ideas for their last hurrah, whether through prepaid funeral plans, living wills or by simply setting some ideas down on a piece of paper. There are sound reasons for doing so. Too often in our profession, we see grieving families agonising over what ‘he/she would have wanted’, often leading to animosity and ill feeling – disagreements, such as ‘What do you mean, Mum hated lilies?’, then flare up.
Understandably, some people think the idea of planning their funeral is rather morbid. But there are others who nd it gives them peace of mind; they use it as a time to reflect on what they have achieved and what they must still set out to do before time runs out.
WHERE TO START?
In an age where practically anything is possible, where does one start? A funeral is a celebration of a life and should therefore re ect the interests, loves, achievements and personality of the person who has died. It would be easy to dive straight into the routine – burial or cremation; co n type; service in church – but it is better to start by thinking about the character of the individual to build a picture of the style of funeral: traditional, modern, alternative, quirky.
The meaning and poignancy of a funeral are delivered by the manner in which it re ects the individual and who they really were. Those who lived their lives on the edge, de ning their own rules and creating their own beliefs, may not be best suited to a high-church send-o , whereas the individual for whom participation in religion had been a key facet of their life, may very well be. So what are the options?
KNOW NO BOUNDARIES
Provided it is legal, it is possible. A funeral in a theatre, such as singer Bernie Nolan’s, would have been inconceivable 10 years ago. Today, it is just one of myriad options, including village halls, community centres, hotels, woodland and beach huts. Similarly, do not think for a moment that you must be carried to your funeral in a traditional hearse.
From an Only Fools And Horsesthemed Reliant Robin to a VW camper van, a motorbike to a moving Buddhist temple, and even a converted tank, hearses come in all shapes and sizes. As do ‘celebrants’ – the new buzzword for those who conduct funerals. As well as civil celebrants (the funeral equivalent of a registrar at a civil wedding), there are humanist celebrants, multi-faith ministers and, on occasion, even the funeral director or a close friend.
Remember, however, the importance of relating the choice back to you and your own beliefs.
BURIAL OR CREMATION?
Among the range of choices, UK law does make one aspect easy: burial or cremation. There are alternatives on the way, but as yet none is licensed for use in the UK – so if emulating Walt Disney and having your earthly shell kept for the future is your thing, you will have to move to the United States.
However, burials do come in many different forms. Be it woodland, natural, sea, cemetery or graveyard, there is now more choice than ever. Similarly, if you wish to be cremated, your ashes can be scattered, buried, sent into space, crafted into a piece of jewellery, poured into reworks or even loaded into shotgun cartridges.
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
Death and funerals have often been labelled the last taboo, yet as a society we have quietly developed an eyewateringly large array of options to suit those of all character, and even those of none. This degree of choice is just one of the reasons why simply setting your ideas on paper is sensible – not least to avoid a helpful relative from sending you into perpetual orbit.
The guiding principle must be to plan the funeral that reflects your character and the impact you have had on those around you throughout your life.
Jeremy Field DipFD is chief operating officer and a family director of CPJ Field & Co. He is a qualified funeral director and is immediate past president of the London Association of Funeral Directors. www.cpjfield.co.uk
PLANNING YOUR FUNERAL
To avoid this, individuals are setting out their own ideas for their last hurrah, whether through prepaid funeral plans, living wills or by simply setting some ideas down on a piece of paper. There are sound reasons for doing so. Too often in our profession, we see grieving families agonising over what ‘he/she would have wanted’, often leading to animosity and ill feeling – disagreements, such as ‘What do you mean, Mum hated lilies?’, then flare up.
Understandably, some people think the idea of planning their funeral is rather morbid. But there are others who nd it gives them peace of mind; they use it as a time to reflect on what they have achieved and what they must still set out to do before time runs out.
WHERE TO START?
In an age where practically anything is possible, where does one start? A funeral is a celebration of a life and should therefore re ect the interests, loves, achievements and personality of the person who has died. It would be easy to dive straight into the routine – burial or cremation; co n type; service in church – but it is better to start by thinking about the character of the individual to build a picture of the style of funeral: traditional, modern, alternative, quirky.
The meaning and poignancy of a funeral are delivered by the manner in which it re ects the individual and who they really were. Those who lived their lives on the edge, de ning their own rules and creating their own beliefs, may not be best suited to a high-church send-o , whereas the individual for whom participation in religion had been a key facet of their life, may very well be. So what are the options?
KNOW NO BOUNDARIES
Provided it is legal, it is possible. A funeral in a theatre, such as singer Bernie Nolan’s, would have been inconceivable 10 years ago. Today, it is just one of myriad options, including village halls, community centres, hotels, woodland and beach huts. Similarly, do not think for a moment that you must be carried to your funeral in a traditional hearse.
From an Only Fools And Horsesthemed Reliant Robin to a VW camper van, a motorbike to a moving Buddhist temple, and even a converted tank, hearses come in all shapes and sizes. As do ‘celebrants’ – the new buzzword for those who conduct funerals. As well as civil celebrants (the funeral equivalent of a registrar at a civil wedding), there are humanist celebrants, multi-faith ministers and, on occasion, even the funeral director or a close friend.
Remember, however, the importance of relating the choice back to you and your own beliefs.
BURIAL OR CREMATION?
Among the range of choices, UK law does make one aspect easy: burial or cremation. There are alternatives on the way, but as yet none is licensed for use in the UK – so if emulating Walt Disney and having your earthly shell kept for the future is your thing, you will have to move to the United States.
However, burials do come in many different forms. Be it woodland, natural, sea, cemetery or graveyard, there is now more choice than ever. Similarly, if you wish to be cremated, your ashes can be scattered, buried, sent into space, crafted into a piece of jewellery, poured into reworks or even loaded into shotgun cartridges.
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
Death and funerals have often been labelled the last taboo, yet as a society we have quietly developed an eyewateringly large array of options to suit those of all character, and even those of none. This degree of choice is just one of the reasons why simply setting your ideas on paper is sensible – not least to avoid a helpful relative from sending you into perpetual orbit.
The guiding principle must be to plan the funeral that reflects your character and the impact you have had on those around you throughout your life.
Jeremy Field DipFD is chief operating officer and a family director of CPJ Field & Co. He is a qualified funeral director and is immediate past president of the London Association of Funeral Directors. www.cpjfield.co.uk