Dear Patricia Marie,
My 14 year old son has told me that he is being bullied at school, and I don't know what to do. He struggled with telling me, and now refuses to talk to me about it since I told him I would speak to the headmaster to get it sorted. The bullies aren't just targeting my son, but other vulnerable boys too.
It started when we moved last month and my son had to be initiated into a new school. He is only slightly built, and an easy target. He is trying hard to fit in with the 'in crowd' who are trying to control his every move. I am very upset and just want to protect him.
What can I do?
Patricia Marie says...
Bullying, both inside and outside school, is a common distress for children and can cause great anxiety for their parents. It often goes unreported, with victims suffering in silence, and parents left concerned by their child's withdrawn behaviour.
Your son should be praised for confiding in you. Remind him how brave he has been in trying to deal with this dreadful situation on his own and that he has now done the right thing in telling you. Build on your son's confidence by working together to stop this unacceptable torment, and tell him that unless bullies are stopped, they continue to intimidate others, and worsen their tactics. Make him aware that every school has a zero tolerance to bullying, and that whilst you must demand the Headmaster investigates, you will insist that the matter is dealt with sensitively. Your son needs to understand that the bullying is in no way his fault, but he may be able to avoid it. Encourage him to make friends with one or two of the quieter, more sensible people in his class.
Try not to take your son out of school, as you could experience problems re-introducing him, and it could affect the school’s ability to sort out the problem effectively. Most schools have Befrienders, assigned to support pupils who are experiencing difficulties, which could assist your son greatly. Request to be given a contact at the school, with whom you can liaise at any time to check on your son’s welfare. If you are not satisfied with the school’s response in any way, approach the school governors, or in the absence of a satisfactory conclusion; The Advisory Centre for Education.
Increasingly, social media has become a forum for bullying among school children. This is known as Cyberbullying. If this happens to your son, block the perpetrator immediately and save any detrimental evidence. You may need to refer to this as any investigation progresses.
Understandably, you may want to contact the bully yourself, but this could cause embarrassment and further anguish for your son, as well as escalating the situation. Concentrate instead on keeping him as stress free as possible. Encourage him to open up about his concerns, and ensure he is eating healthily, getting regular exercise, and sleeping well to enhance his wellbeing.
Family Lives (formerly Parent Line), offer 24/7 help and support in all aspects of family life. Also, Childline can offer counselling for your son, as well as professional advice at any time of the day or night.
Hopefully, as a result of your intervention, the bullying will stop and it won’t be long before your son can start to enjoy his school days again, which each and every child is entitled to, and deserves no less.
The Advisory Centre for Education (ACE): 0300 0115 142 www.ace-ed.org.uk
Childline: 0800 1111 www.childline.org.uk
Family Lives: 0808 800 2222 www.familylives.org
Patricia Marie, our Agony Aunt, wants to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quarrels. Just email them to patricia.marie@lady.co.uk
