(*that’s Essex for ‘it’s really good’)
Reem’. ‘Totes’. ‘Well jel’. They’re not words you will find very often in The Lady (the uninitiated can find the translations in the glossary, below). But since its launch in 2011, Bafta-winning reality television programme The Only Way Is Essex (TOWIE) – and its own distinct vernacular – have certainly seeped into the public consciousness.
The programme is perhaps best known for introducing Britain to fake tan, white Range Rovers, very high heels… and Essex. It shows real people in situations modified for entertainment purposes – think lots of noisy break-ups, make-ups and gossip.
It doesn’t sound terribly ladylike. But I live in Brentwood – where the show is set – and so when a reader of this magazine insisted that we introduce the stars of the show to Britain’s original women’s weekly, we decided to send the editor, Matt, and the literary editor, Steve (armed with copies of The Lady, of course) on a mission into the heart of TOWIE.
Clockwise from top left: Matt is unconvinced by Harry Derbidge's styling; Sam and Billie Faiers in Minnies, their family-run boutique; Amy Childs flicks through a copy of The Lady on her throne
It would certainly take them out of their comfort zone. On Saturdays, Brentwood’s high street can be practically impassable thanks to the hordes of giggling girls and tourists queuing outside the eight (yes, eight) shops now owned by past and present TOWIE stars, including Amy Childs (who owns a beauty salon), and Joey Essex, Gemma Collins, Sam Faiers and Harry Derbidge (who all run boutiques), while after dark the glamorous Sugar Hut – www.sugarhutbrentwood.com – becomes Essex’s dazzling answer to the Café de Paris.
And so, as we waved Matt and Steve into the fray, there was only one question: how would they fare?
Matt says: As editor of The Lady, I have spent Christmas in Afghanistan, suffered three minutes in the world’s coldest room (in a spa, in Tring) and been hunted by bloodhounds. But the world of TOWIE is something completely different. Within moments, I found myself ushered into a tanning booth, before being handed over to TOWIE icon Joey Essex for a fashion makeover (verdict: I’m a little too old for a pair of his leopard-print shorts). I sat in Amy Childs’s throne (yes, she really does have one), handed copies of The Lady out to the crowds queuing to get into the famous boutiques, and heard the secrets of the Sugar Hut from its charming manager, Ronnie Banks (he makes some wonderful blue drinks). Someone even explained to me what ‘totes reem’ means (see glossary, below).
Clockwise from top left: Matt and Steve at the Sugar Hut with manager Ronnie Banks; Gemma Collins has designed a plus-size clothing collection and would love to dress Adele; Pick up a souvenir at Fusey, Joey Essex's boutique
Most of all, however, I found my superstar hosts charming, polite – and a whole lot of fun. And in that, TOWIE and The Lady have an awful lot in common. In fact, when a new Sugar Hut opens next month on London’s Park Lane (you heard it here first) you may just find us ordering a blue drink at the bar.
Steve says: Not having a TV, I’d never come across TOWIE before and was a little nervous – being a literary editor I don’t really meet young celebrities. But everyone was supremely friendly and I was impressed by their entrepreneurial spirit and down-to-earth nature. Brentwood, a close-knit community, reminded me of fictional Ambridge. Lunch at the Sugar Hut – a wellpreserved 16th-century coaching inn – with Joey, Harry, Gemma and Amy, included their friends and relatives. Delightful and charming.
Awmygawd! Oh goodness!
Bang out of order! That’s utterly unfair
Fitty Attractive person
Glamping Glamorous camping
Reem Really good, pleasing
Shaaaaap Be quiet
Totes Totally
Vajazzle Decorated, ahem, bikini area
Well jel Exceedingly envious
The programme is perhaps best known for introducing Britain to fake tan, white Range Rovers, very high heels… and Essex. It shows real people in situations modified for entertainment purposes – think lots of noisy break-ups, make-ups and gossip.
It doesn’t sound terribly ladylike. But I live in Brentwood – where the show is set – and so when a reader of this magazine insisted that we introduce the stars of the show to Britain’s original women’s weekly, we decided to send the editor, Matt, and the literary editor, Steve (armed with copies of The Lady, of course) on a mission into the heart of TOWIE.
Clockwise from top left: Matt is unconvinced by Harry Derbidge's styling; Sam and Billie Faiers in Minnies, their family-run boutique; Amy Childs flicks through a copy of The Lady on her throneIt would certainly take them out of their comfort zone. On Saturdays, Brentwood’s high street can be practically impassable thanks to the hordes of giggling girls and tourists queuing outside the eight (yes, eight) shops now owned by past and present TOWIE stars, including Amy Childs (who owns a beauty salon), and Joey Essex, Gemma Collins, Sam Faiers and Harry Derbidge (who all run boutiques), while after dark the glamorous Sugar Hut – www.sugarhutbrentwood.com – becomes Essex’s dazzling answer to the Café de Paris.
And so, as we waved Matt and Steve into the fray, there was only one question: how would they fare?
Matt says: As editor of The Lady, I have spent Christmas in Afghanistan, suffered three minutes in the world’s coldest room (in a spa, in Tring) and been hunted by bloodhounds. But the world of TOWIE is something completely different. Within moments, I found myself ushered into a tanning booth, before being handed over to TOWIE icon Joey Essex for a fashion makeover (verdict: I’m a little too old for a pair of his leopard-print shorts). I sat in Amy Childs’s throne (yes, she really does have one), handed copies of The Lady out to the crowds queuing to get into the famous boutiques, and heard the secrets of the Sugar Hut from its charming manager, Ronnie Banks (he makes some wonderful blue drinks). Someone even explained to me what ‘totes reem’ means (see glossary, below).
Clockwise from top left: Matt and Steve at the Sugar Hut with manager Ronnie Banks; Gemma Collins has designed a plus-size clothing collection and would love to dress Adele; Pick up a souvenir at Fusey, Joey Essex's boutiqueMost of all, however, I found my superstar hosts charming, polite – and a whole lot of fun. And in that, TOWIE and The Lady have an awful lot in common. In fact, when a new Sugar Hut opens next month on London’s Park Lane (you heard it here first) you may just find us ordering a blue drink at the bar.
Steve says: Not having a TV, I’d never come across TOWIE before and was a little nervous – being a literary editor I don’t really meet young celebrities. But everyone was supremely friendly and I was impressed by their entrepreneurial spirit and down-to-earth nature. Brentwood, a close-knit community, reminded me of fictional Ambridge. Lunch at the Sugar Hut – a wellpreserved 16th-century coaching inn – with Joey, Harry, Gemma and Amy, included their friends and relatives. Delightful and charming.
TOWIE-ISMS DECIPHERED
A nice little bird An attractive womanAwmygawd! Oh goodness!
Bang out of order! That’s utterly unfair
Fitty Attractive person
Glamping Glamorous camping
Reem Really good, pleasing
Shaaaaap Be quiet
Totes Totally
Vajazzle Decorated, ahem, bikini area
Well jel Exceedingly envious