‘There was the small issue of the bill, the equivalent of a Caribbean cruise for six’

According to the experts, fossil fuels will eventually run out and we will be forced to rely on more renewable energy sources. At Rock House, we are ahead of the curve.

If you discount the gales that blow through the holes in the window frames, we have no energy sources, renewable or otherwise. Ian, the man from British Gas has arrived to discuss the possibility of hot water.

‘You don’t see them like this any more,’ he says. We are standing in front of the corroded geyser in the scullery. ‘It doesn’t work,’ I say, stating the obvious. Ian says that as a general rule, in order to get hot water, you need a heat source. ‘But we can solve that.’ In under a week, we could have a new boiler, lots of pipes, some radiators and even a tap or two in the building. ‘Simple,’ he says. There was the small issue of the bill, the equivalent of a Caribbean cruise for six, but otherwise all straightforward.

Shingle ‘mooring’

If I had taken ownership of the house shortly after its construction, I would have been able to join all the other Hastings residents at the White Rock Public Baths. Now a derelict subterranean eyesore on the seafront, it occupied an acre of ground 30ft below the promenade. When it opened in 1878, it was the envy of clean freaks everywhere, providing swimming and bathing opportunities for the Regency population.

Bathers descended to a large sunken courtyard reached from a grand flight of stone steps 15ft wide, and entered the building through an open portico formed of three elaborately decorated stone arches. The Private Baths were situated between the men’s and women’s swimming baths. There were five first class and eight second class baths for men and a similar number for women. A local newspaper reported that, ‘The water, hot and cold, is supplied to the baths by means of pipes, and the temperature can be regulated according to the bather’s desire.’ Although the lower classes had their water temperature controlled by the attendant using a special key.

The Turkish Baths in Hastings’ heyday

Four years later, some Turkish Baths were added at the cost of £843. It was quite an extravagant undertaking with the walls and floors covered in hand-finished terrazzo tiles. Initially the baths were heated by coke, but eventually switched to gas. More costly but considerably cleaner – rather helpful in a bathing pool.

Sadly the complex was shut for good in 1968, possibly because the main boiler house was 14ft below the high water spring tides. Ian agrees that it is a shame that it is closed, but these days you wouldn’t get someone sticking a boiler underwater. Against regulations. ‘You can rely on British Gas,’ he says. ‘Let’s hope so’, I say.

Next week: seagull hell